Many years ago, Miss Sweet Thing and Miss Sassy Pants McGee became good friends. After hanging out for quite a while Miss Thing (often pronounced 'Thang'...but not if in church or any other up-and-up type of place) thought it would be fun to introduce her good friend McGee to her boyfriend, the Captain.
The new friends sat down at a neutral location to have a meal. McGee quickly discovered that the full name of her new friend was Captain Sarcastic, and rightfully so...this man was a force to be reckoned with in the department of facetious-isms. At the end of the meal the waiter came and asked if any dessert was wanted before preparing the bill. The Captain looked at his beautiful girlfriend and guest and asked if they would like anything. Both Thang and Sassy kindly said 'No' (they were on a diet as most women are at any given moment). The Captain on the other hand, with his obnoxious male metabolism, asked for one of the large chocolate chip cookies that the establishment prided itself on.
When the cookie arrived, Captain Sarcastic saw Sassy's eyes become the size of golf balls and start to sparkle, a small amount of drool was also visible at the corner of her mouth. The Captain then asked, 'Sassy, are you thinking twice about that dessert now? Would you like some of my cookie?' After a few moments of deep contemplation Miss McGee pulled up her sassy suspenders holding up her pants and said, 'Really? That would be awesome because that cookie looks amazing.' Captain Sarcastic then slid the plate over to the opposite side of the table in front of his lunch guest. He then added, '(sigh) Next time you should just order your own damn cookie!' Sassy was amazed that the Captain gave her the whole cookie, completely trusting her with the delicacy. She looked up and asked, 'which part should I tear off?' Sarcastic replied, 'Well you might as well eat whatever part you want, since you are eating MY cookie anyways'.
Nobody knows what was going on in Miss McGee's head at that moment, or why her sass was out in brute force that day, but what happened next would go down in the record books. She picked up the cookie and examined it, and without thinking about it took her thumb and poked the middle right out. She popped the best and most gooey portion of the cooking into her mouth, and handed the cookie back to a very shocked and appalled Sarcastic man.
Looking across the table, Sassy saw both of her friends mouths drop. Until that moment Miss Thing had not known quite how Sassy the Pants of McGee were, but the sassy-ness level was then quite obvious...and extreme. Miss Thing started to laugh, and Captain Sarcastic was nearly speechless (which is very unusual) all he could say was, 'Really?....Seriously?...Did that just happen?.....Who ARE you???'
And from that moment on The Sass and The Sarcastic have been extremely good friends.
About two years after this, Sassy Pants was living 2 hours away from Captain and Mrs. Sweetly Sarcastic (they had been married since the first story). One day Miss Sassy Pants McGee missed her friends a great deal and decided to send them a care package. She worked hard to make the care package very sweet (she had been taking lessons from her old friend the Thang).
Some time later, Captain and Mrs. Sweetly Sarcastic received a package with a note attached to the front that read:
For Captain Sarcastic and the Sweet Thing
(but mostly for the Sarcastic)
When they opened the package, they saw about 3 dozen cookies without the centers, each had been cut out by hand...and kept by some sender who was wearing her favorite pair of Sassy Pants. The Captain immediately sent her a message that read, 'Thanks for the damn cookies!'
Perfectly planned and 2 days later, the Captain received a very small, 2"x2" red box in the mail. It had no note attached, but its contents caused Mr. Sarcastic to send a message to the great Sass:'Some smart ass just sent me a box of cookie centers...and I'm not even done eating the cookie perimeters'.
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