Holding pattern

I haven't posted in almost a month!  WTH man!?!?!  There's not excuse and really no reason for it, I just haven't felt like typing something out I suppose.  I'm going through a bit of a difficult time right now.  I don't think that it's necessarily negative, just difficult.

After visiting Davis, CA for grad school interviews and meetings, I decided not to go there.  This means that I won't be going to grad school at all next year, ugh!  Going to grad school next year has been my plan for a really long time, and I'm having a hard time with the fact that my life is now up in the air.  I don't know what I'm going to do and what my life is going to end up looking like. 

I feel like I was on a spcific trojectory, and now the possibilities are endless.  This is REALLY exciting, but equally scarey.  I could end up as a researcher in the developing world, a nurse in the US, a bed and breakfast owner or a stay at home mom.  WHAT WILL IT BE!?!?  I don't know, which worries me.  I would like things to be figured out soon, but these are things that I can't actually figure out, they just have to happen and fall into place.

SO for now I'm in a holding pattern.  I will keep moving forward and will not push doors open that don't want to be opened...well...that's the goal at least.